Conflict Management and Young Children
Helping Children Deal with Everyday Problems

Anyone who has ever worked with children knows that they often disagree. Whether it is about sharing their favorite toy, pushing, name calling, or the general unfairness of life, children often come running to their teachers looking for help in resolving conflicts. And most of the time, teachers are more than willing to help the children resolve their conflicts.

What teachers might not realize is that it might be more helpful to refrain from resolving a minor conflict between children through an adult-directed solution (assuming that the conflict has not turned harmful to either child involved). In her article "Peer Conflicts in the Classroom," Edyth Wheeler notes, "Recent theory and research . . . suggest that peer conflict contributes to children's development and represents an important form of social interaction." Often, preschool children are quite capable of solving conflicts on their own.

That doesn't mean that teachers don't have a role to play in conflict management. There are many things teachers can do to help children understand and control their feelings of anger and frustration, including helping them develop conflict management strategies.

Strategies for Teachers

Some of the steps that teachers can take to support children in learning to manage and resolve conflict include:

• Creating a safe emotional climate. Foster a classroom where emotions are accepted and anger is not shamed.
  
  
• Modeling responsible anger management. If conflicts arise between teachers or adults, model behavior through negotiation, mediation, or some other conflict management strategy.
  
  
• Helping children to develop self-regulatory skills. As children grow out of toddlerhood, they begin to be able to regulate and describe their feelings.
  
  
• Encouraging children to label feelings of anger. One activity that can help children is the Anger Thermometer. In her article "Preventing Violence through Anger Management," Mary Drecktrah describes the activity:
  
  
• Children color in the picture of a thermometer to show how upset they are, write or tell what caused the anger, and think of ways to handle the situation next time." Children can color anywhere on the thermometer from annoyed to enraged. This experience helps children think and talk about how angry or frustrated they are and is especially useful for children who have a hard time expressing their emotions.
  
  
• Encourage children to talk about anger-arousing interactions. Create a space in the classroom where children can have privacy and feel comfortable talking about a problem calmly. A teacher should be visible in case adult intervention is necessary.
  
  
• Use books and stories about anger to help children understand and manage anger. There are many children's books that can help children learn to deal with conflict and stressful situations.
  
  
• Communicate with parents. Talk with parents about the conflict management strategies being used in the classroom and provide information on labeling anger and using words to describe emotions.

References:

Drecktrah, M. & Wallenfang, A. (1999). "Preventing Violence through Anger Management." Early Childhood News, November/December 1999, 24-31.
Wheeler, E. (1994). "Peer Conflicts in the Classroom." ERIC Digest.

---

Children are often labeled as "problem children" when they have a difficult time getting along with their peers. Instead, what you might be witnessing is a child who needs additional help trying to cope with a very stressful home environment.

Children living in multi-stressed environments might exhibit such behaviors as:

Developmental Differences

• Developmental delays, especially in language, fine and gross motor, and social skills.
  
• Developmental lags or regression to previous stages.

The Daily Program, Routines, and Transitions

• Sleep problems, including difficulty falling asleep and waking up, and nightmares.
  
• Too tired to participate in activities.
  
• Difficulty using utensils (forks, knives, spoons).
  
• Short attention span, quickly moving from one activity to another.

Interactions with Other Children

• Intrudes in other children's play.
  
• Has trouble reading social cues from peers.
  
• Has difficulty playing and negotiating with peers.

Family Relationships

• Forms strong bonds with siblings and/or takes care of younger siblings.
  
• Shows frequent, repeated ambivalent avoidance behavior towards parents.

Mental Health

• Moods change quickly and without notice.
  
• Unable to relax.
  
• Appears to lack self-esteem; does not want to try new tasks; seems to be afraid of failing.
  
• Seeks attention and physical contact indiscriminately.
  
• Clings to people and possessions.

Behavior Issues

• Acts out to seek attention.
  
• Displays aggressive behaviors.
  
• Is extremely withdrawn or quiet.

Living with high levels of stress can take a toll on young children's development in both direct and indirect ways. For example, children may not receive immunizations or medical care, they may not have safe places to play, or they may not have enough food at mealtimes. Parents' energies are often focused on meeting the family's most basic needs: food, clothing, shelter, and safety. There may be little time to focus on meeting the less obvious social and emotional needs of young children; therefore, children may not receive the emotional support they need to grow and develop.

The Head Start Bureau has responded to the needs of program staff in this area. Responding to Children Under Stress: A Skill-Based Training Guide for Classroom Teams suggests practical strategies for dealing effectively with children who live in multi-stress environments. Participating in this training program can also provide ongoing support for classroom teams.

To order copies of Responding to Children Under Stress: A Skill-Based Training Guide for Classroom Teams, contact the Head Start Information and Publication Center at puborder@headstartinfo.org or fax a request to 703-683-5769.