A Single Father’s Story

by Isaac Peña

I am often praised for being involved in the lives of my children. Why? Because I am a father of two young boys and a single parent. Since moving to Washington, D.C. and working as a Head Start Fellow, I have amazed even more people when I tell them that my sons live with me. I find their reaction puzzling. I deserve no thanks. I am only making good on my responsibility. It seems to come as a shock to many people that a father, going it alone, could be capable of taking care of two little children. Single moms do it all the time, but a single dad taking primary familial responsibility seems to catch people off-guard.

Yet, I wake up everyday and question why anyone would not want be involved in the daily lives of their extraordinary children! After that brief moment, I start my daily routine as a parent. I awaken Adam (4 years) and Noah (2 years) and get them ready, which on a good day takes less than an hour of convincing. We take two Metro trains and walk several blocks during rush hour traffic to daycare. Then I get back on the Metro to go to work at the Head Start Bureau. After work, I pick up my boys from daycare, which is always the best part of my day. I am greeted by the words, “Papa’s here” and a couple of hugs. After fielding their questions, reviewing their day with the staff, admiring their drawings and other work, and talking about “fun stuff” with them, we head back to the Metro and go home. I often find myself carrying both of them during rush hour so they don’t get trampled during the madness.

When we arrive home, we play for a little while. We do not have a TV in our apartment, so we read books or entertain ourselves by having “band” practice. I am still surprised that we have not been visited by the police for disturbing the peace! At first, I didn’t think we could survive without a TV, but the boys enjoy going to museums, monuments, and parks more then watching TV.

I get them involved in the preparations for dinner, which makes them more likely to help clean up at the end. After supper, it’s time for their bath. As I dry them both off, I unfortunately have to tell them it is nearly bedtime. I usually get the response, “No, I am not tired yet.” To parents, this response is not a surprise; kids never seem to get tired!

My children’s mother encouraged me to become involved in EHS. I ended up being hired as a parent educator. Out of 17 employees, I was the only male. It came as no surprise when I was asked to work on the EHS fatherhood demonstration project as well as work with the local Head Start program to incorporate more male involvement in their faithbased work.

The program had great success using the 21st Century Exploring Parenting (EP21) curriculum. Four of us, from EHS, Head Start, and churches, worked together to develop a 10-week EP21 course. We combined a focus on fatherhood with a faith-based approach. I served as a facilitator with a female colleague; we worked with 10-15 parents per session. The initial sessions included both parents, and there were follow-up sessions for fathers. All participants were very enthusiastic, and by the fourth week, even reserved parents were proud to share their Family Story Books with photos and mementos of happy family occasions.

The EHS program had enrolled a few single fathers, but our fatherhood meetings had a low turnout. At the time I was working as a parent educator and fatherhood coordinator, I was also a translator for the county government. I met many officials, including the Director of Probation. I shared an idea with him and wondered if the EHS program could reach out to fathers on probation. We ended up partnering with the community corrections office and were successful in reaching fathers on probation who had not been involved in their children’s lives. Through personal contact and flyers, we invited them to meetings and workshops. Here, they were encouraged to reflect upon their own childhood and their own fathers. As many realized the effects of their absent fathers on their own lives, they became eager to get involved in their children’s lives and break that cycle.

As a parent educator, I learned a lot about fathers during home visits. Typically, the males thought that the visits pertained more to the females. They would listen, but not get involved. One visit stands out – the father was there, but not actively participating. We shared with him that his daughter’s first relationship with a male was with him, and therefore, could serve as a model for her future relationships. That comment was an eye-opener. He realized how important it really is to be involved in his child’s life and that he could make a big difference to her. Then he became more conversational, engaged, and we developed a relationship.

I ask, “What can we do to involve fathers and significant males in the lives of Head Start children?” At the local level, we must aggressively pursue males for Policy Councils. We also must recruit more male staff to work in programs. Some fathers will be more responsive and involved if there is a male leading or participating in the program. We have to attract male students to attend colleges and universities that have strong education programs.

At the state and Federal levels, we must utilize resources that have been identified by the current administration. The father involvement, health marriage, and faith-based priorities can be We partnered with the community corrections office and were successful reaching fathers on probation who had not been involved in their children’s lives. excellent additions to any Head Start program if put into place and utilized properly. Head Start also has a variety of excellent training materials; programs must take the initiative and ask for more training on fatherhood as well as related topics such as parent education and parent mentoring. At the local, state, and Federal levels, we must encourage parents to become politically active—not necessarily to pick a party or a specific candidate, but to tell their elected representatives how Head Start has changed their lives and the lives of their children. Head Start encourages empowerment and autonomy; making the voices of Head Start parents heard is part of this.

We all know that being a parent is not easy. As a single father of two boys, I can attest to that. But being an involved parent or caregiver, such as a grandparent, is so important to our children’s well-being, now and in the future. The fatherhood focus puts Head Start in a unique position to reach out to parents and other caring adults, get them involved in children’s lives, and help them realize that the best parent is an involved parent.

Isaac Peña is a Head Start Fellow, 2003-2004. He has been a parent educator for the Early Head Start program in Hays, Kansas and a facilitator for Head Start’s 21st Century Exploring Parenting Program. T: 202-205-8751 E: Ipena@acf.hhs.gov.